Sidelined

By Andrew Gomez

Unfortunately, pastors who find themselves unexpectedly out of ministry are becoming more common. Being sidelined can be a confusing and frustrating time. How does someone navigate this unplanned season of ministry?

One of the most defeating feelings of my childhood was being sidelined on my middle school football team. To be pulled from the game because I wasn’t playing well enough and watching my team go on without me was an embarrassing moment for me. I tried my hardest and it wasn’t enough. Those feelings of failure and disappointment were something I was ok with never experiencing again. I went on to other hobbies and extracurricular activities, but I never forgot what it felt like to be sidelined. Now, the reality was, I did not have the physical dominance to play football in high school, let alone anything beyond. At a glance, this is a trivial moment in my upbringing, but what happens when this experience repeats itself as an adult?

This time it hurt even more. As a teenager, I dedicated my life to following God’s call to ministry. I did everything you were “supposed” to do when you are called to be a pastor. I went to a Bible college. Got married. Started having kids. Learned everything there was to learn about ministry in my four years of education. I went right into ministry and was fulfilling my calling as a young, know-it-all youth pastor. I’m very thankful for God’s grace and patience. After a few years, I found myself in an interim lead pastor position. Man, I thought I had arrived! I was leading a church and ready to follow whatever God’s path was for me. At least, I thought I was ready for “whatever”. And then, I found myself sidelined.

Things didn’t work out at that church. Here I was, out of ministry. Not only was I jobless, but I was also moving in with my in-laws, no income, was overcome with a sense of failure, I lost connections to many who I considered friends and mentors, and had no clue what to do next. I thought being sidelined in 8th grade was the worst. Being sidelined in ministry was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to work through. Since that time, I have learned there are many going through, or have gone through, being sidelined in ministry. Here are few things I learned through being sidelined that could be a help.

Gain the Right Perspective

I struggled a long time with thoughts of failure. I thought I had messed it up. That was my one chance to be the pastor God called me to be. I was not on a healthy mental path. I became angry with God. How could He allow me to fail? He promised he would give me wisdom. He promised he would guide me. How dare he allow me to fail! My anger toward God led to anger and neglect of my other responsibilities as a husband and father. I was not in a good place. But God, in His graciousness, heard my anger and confusion and reminded me of David. Specifically, Psalm 13. This is a passage of confusion and frustration as David is on the run for his life.

“How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?”

David expresses his hurt and feelings of abandonment. But he ends this psalm with these words, “But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord because he has dealt bountifully with me.” What changed? David gained the right perspective. He knew he couldn’t use his expectations, and even the expectations of those around him, to measure whether or not God was working through him. David hadn’t failed because he was on the run from Saul. God was using the circumstances to prepare David to fulfill His will. You can’t look at being sidelined as a failure. It will lead to dark places. Just because your expectations weren’t met doesn’t mean God isn’t working through you. Look at being sidelined for what it is. God is using it to prepare you for His will.

Find the Right People

I found my time being sidelined cost me some relationships I considered close. I felt I couldn’t be open with certain friends and mentors without being judged and ridiculed. As I continued to study David during this time, I was reminded of Jonathan. David lost a close mentorship when he was sidelined. He had faithfully served Saul and the nation of Israel and yet found them wanting to take his life. But David found encouragement in his friend Jonathan. This friendship wasn’t based on the current situation or the politics of who the next king would be. Jonathan loved David and did everything he could to build David up. I’m thankful for First Baptist Church of Broken Arrow. My family and I found many “Jonathan’s” that didn’t care about the details of what we were going through, but just loved us and encouraged us during a low time.

Find the right people. Don’t chase after the approval of those with judging eyes and expectations. Surround yourself with those who will love you and take the time to encourage you.

Patience, Patience, Patience

This one was the hardest for me. I’m not a very patient person and I’m pretty sure there aren’t many. There are moments where time seems to come to a complete stop. Like when you are waiting for your popcorn to finish popping but it's taking forever. Or when you are trying to work off that popcorn by going on a 30-minute run and you’re dying and look to see you’ve only been running 10 minutes.

Time slowed down while being sidelined. I was working for AT&T and the days seem to get longer as those months turned into years. I would have moments where I believed God was working and I was right where I needed to be. But those moments grew few and far between. My faith was on a rollercoaster of emotions. I kept telling myself I needed to be patient. I tried memorizing verses about patience. I would read those passages over and over, trying to convince myself I could be patient. I was again, reminded of David. He was the next anointed king of Israel. But instead of being prepared in a palace, he was in hiding in the caves of En-gedi. David showed patience when he had the opportunity in 1 Samuel 24 to take Saul's life and take his place as king. He doesn’t take the opportunity but is patient knowing taking Saul’s life would have been wrong.

David knew patience wasn’t waiting for an opportunity; patience is more than just learning how to wait. Patience is being content while you wait. As I began to understand this, work became a little more tolerable. I began to see God bless in many ways with promotions and growth within my job. I wish I could say I have this lesson down and perfected. But I suspect patience is a lifetime lesson.

The Opportunity of Being Sidelined

Being sidelined made me feel forgotten and useless. I felt like if I wasn’t in ministry, then I couldn’t serve God to my full potential. What a foolish thought. This was the worst lie I believed during that time. I look back now and realize the arrogance it took to believe something like this. I believed somehow God calling me into ministry made me better than anyone who faithfully served in a church as a volunteer. Those who give their life to Christ and work a full-time job outside of the church weren’t being used by God as much I was in ministry. I wouldn’t have said those exact words out loud, but thinking I was useless because I wasn’t in ministry spoke to this arrogance. Learning how to serve Jesus without being paid to do it is an embarrassing lesson to admit having to learn. But it was, by far, the most rewarding lesson God brought me through. Being sidelined was an opportunity to live the very things I would preach from the pulpit. I would teach on faith and patience, but when it was put to the test, I failed. As a pastor, I would tell hurting, confused church members to look to God and find comfort, but I sat in my misery, angry at God. God grew me in ways I desperately needed. Being sidelined was the greatest time of growth in my young life.

You may feel forgotten, defeated, and wore out. You are embarrassed because you have secretly been angry with God and are wrestling with the feelings of failure. I want you to know it's ok. God can handle your anger and confusion. Know this, God hasn’t forgotten you. He is possibly wanting to lead you through an amazing time of growth and encouragement. Don’t let your false expectations of how God is “supposed to work” keep you from what He is doing with your life. Don’t let lost friends and mentors become a stumbling block into bitterness. Don’t let discontentment rob you of the patience needed to wait on God while He’s perfecting you.

Cherish this season. I promise you will look back on this time of being sidelined with an appreciation only an awesome God can give.