Dave Teis: How to Deal with a Fallen Friend

(A Biblical Response to A Friend Who Has Chosen to Commit Sin)

Galatians 6:1, “Brethren, if a man be overtaken in a fault, ye which are spiritual, restore such an one in the spirit of meekness; considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted.”

Spiritual people do not condemn their brothers and sisters when they are overtaken with a fault! What do they do? That is what this article is all about!

Let’s discuss three important ideas.

What we must not do!

What we must not think!

What we must do!

What We Must Not Do!

• We must not condemn our sinful brother.

Jesus said “all judgement” was given to Him by the Father.

John 5:22, “For the Father judgeth no man, but hath committed all judgment unto the Son:”

Jesus said, “Judge not!”

Matthew 7:1-2, “Judge not, that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.”

We must let Jesus do His job!

Don’t condemn your brother or sister!

• We must not condone their sin!

1 John 1:8-10, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.”

The Apostle John makes it clear if we say we have not sinned, we deceive ourselves and call Him a liar. When someone sins it needs to be confessed.

• We must not coddle the sinner!

Luke 17:3, “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.”

Jesus makes it very clear that when a brother sins against you, He needs to be “rebuked”.

Paul tells Timothy if an elder (spiritual leader) sins, he is to be rebuked before all.

1 Timothy 5:20, “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.”

The purpose is so that others will fear.

• We must not cover up sin.

Proverbs 28:13, “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

Over many years of ministry, I have watched people ruin lives and ministries by trying to cover up sin. It never helps the individual or the institution.

What We Must Not Think!

• We must not think we are better than our sinful brother or sister.

Romans 2:1, “Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things.”

We are all sinners. Paul warns us not to compare our selves among ourselves.

2 Corinthians 10:12, “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise.”

Some might say, “Well, I’m not so bad as compared to what they did”. This thinking is unhealthy and wrong.

• We must not think, “If he can’t live right, neither can I”.

Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”

Paul tells us that he knew what trials were like. He knew how to abound and suffer. He endured, so can you. Any Christian that is walking daily with Christ can overcome sin.

• We must not think, “This could never happen to me”.

1 Corinthians 10:12-13, “Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall. There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

When you get the attitude that you can handle it you are in a bad spot. Great men have chosen sin in the past and it can happen to you or me.

• We must not think, “Wow, somehow this is my fault. I should have been aware of the need; I could have changed things!”

Guilt is never of God. Jesus was there in the presence of Peter when Peter denied Jesus. Someone told me years ago, “If you try to help someone who does not want help, you’ll wind up needing help yourself.”

• We must not think, “I can get away with my sin”.

Hebrews 12:6, “For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.”

The Lord does chasten His children. If you have sin in your life, confess and forsake it now. This may be God’s wake up call for you.

• We must not think, “There are no genuine Christians. They are all phoneys”.

The writer of Hebrews reminds us to remember our past leaders. Follow their example.

Hebrews 13:7, “Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of their conversation.”

Read Hebrews 11, see the great leaders of the faith that died waiting for the promise we have received. Then look around you. It is true, in 46 years of ministry I have seen many preachers fail. I can tell you of many more preachers and Christian laymen who have finished their course well. Every Christian struggles with sin. Some are overcome. Their enemy is your enemy.

• We must not think, “Sexual sin is no greater than any other sin”.

The temporal consequences of sexual sin are much greater than other sins. Paul points that out.

1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.”

It is a sin against your own body. Solomon points out that it, “destroys your soul”.

Proverbs 6:32, “But whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul.”

Your soul is your mind, your emotions, and your will. According to Jesus, pornography is adultery of your soul. Perhaps that is why Satan has made it so available to mankind. If it destroys your soul, it destroys the way you think, the way you show emotion, and your will power. Your ability to say “yes” to what is right and “no” to what is wrong.

- Sexual sin is devastating!

- Stay away from it

- It’s on your phone. It’s everywhere. It is wise to have an accountability partner and it is wise in our day to never counsel someone of the opposite sex alone. I have been a fanatic about this for years. I have been made fun of because I go to extremes to guard my purity and my family. But I have been married to one woman for 44 years with a very happy family. We have practiced these policies.

What We Must Do!

• Work toward restoration

How?

• ·Confront your brother to help restore him.

1. This begins one on one.

Matthew 18:15-17, “Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established. And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.”

2. For a leader, the sin needs to be dealt with publicly.

1 Timothy 5:20, “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.”

(This has been done.)

· Remove him from leadership. He has disqualified himself as a pastor or deacon.

1 Timothy 3:2, “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;”

He is not “blameless, the husband of one wife”.

(A one-woman man)

3. If they repent, forgive them.

Matthew 18:21-22, “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”

You might wonder how often you should forgive. At least 490 times according to Jesus. If we don’t forgive, we are turned over to tormentors. I encourage you to read the parable that Jesus gives in Matthew 18, as He continues to answer Peters question. Forgiveness is essential and must be perpetual.

4. Love them no matter what their response.

John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

They may turn on you and even blame you for sin. God keeps the records. Love is not a feeling it is doing what is right.

Romans 13:10, “Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.”

5. If they seek counsel, give them council.

Here is the council they should get:

• Get back into a love relationship with the Father.

• Do all you can to save your family.

• Get a job and provide for your family.

6. Refuse to gossip about them.

Sin has been confronted. They have confessed. If you want to know more information, talk to them. Years ago, I determined not to talk about other people’s problems unless they were present. This will save you from much grief.

7. Learn these lessons.

• Sin can happen to me.

• I need to stay close to Jesus and my spouse.

• I need to keep my family first.

• I need to never be alone with a person of the opposite sex.

8. Get up and move on.

Before David’s baby died, he wept, prayed, and fasted for the baby. Once there was no hope and he had done all he could, he got up, washed his face, and had breakfast. He moved on.

Throughout this life, there will be times of disappointment with people and circumstances. Luke 17:1, “It is impossible but that offences will come." When these times come you deal with the people, you deal with the circumstances then you move on. The world needs Jesus in you. Keep serving Jesus by serving others. Once you’ve done what God wants you to do, move on and leave the circumstance, the judgment, and the consequences to Him. May God bless you as you serve Him!

Dr. Dave Teis

Liberty Baptist Church - Las Vegas NV